Today I learned again/remembered that people don’t really change, unless they really really want to. Not if I really want them to – that doesn’t actually count.
Which reminds me of something I’ve heard someone say that their mothers alway said: “Be careful how you are, because when you are older you will be more so!” What a concept. Although this does contradict my first point, doesn’t it? if you can be careful then you can change, right?
What do you think?
“I never think it’s a good idea to want anything too much”
This quote came from a lawyer, in context of negotiations for a contract. I thought it had much wider application in life. Maybe like the yoga yama of non-possessiveness. It’s kind of deep.
“Learned. Forgot. Better off relearning anyway.”
Brian DeLeene’s entry in the book Six-Word Memoirs says it all for me tonight.
I have learned that I am not always a good judge of character.
This is surely the most important Lesson that I have ever learned: Marry Well! Know what you want and what you need. No other choice could have a bigger impact on your life.
Me? I wanted and needed (according to my Grandma Sara, who remembered such things) “Smart, funny and kind” in, as I remember it, no particular order – all being equally important. And look! I got it all!
A Very Wise Friend taught me, today, that if you can’t get to an expert to help you work out your deepest issues and conflicts, sometimes you can ask the questions and listen for the answers – from yourself. Or from wherever.
It worked for her.
What works for you?
OK, I did get this from a network TV show, but after 24 hours for it to sink in, I think it’s pretty profound.
And OK, it was in the context of manipulation (get someone to buy a car or give you the sketchy building permit), but it’s still a valid concept, which is: find the key. Find out where the other person is coming from, what’s going on in their life, what matters to them, and go from there. “Get it” first. Get them. Then ask. Maybe the lesson is just get them, never mind asking. What do you think?
Malaena moved acros the country and included some great lessons of her own in a change-of-address email. She generously agreed to share them with all of you:
I have learned:
- People are there for you when you need it- but you need to be willing to ask!
- Don’t wait until “the goodbye” to tell each other how you feel.
- A clear vision, intentional patience with strong determination can clear away all obstacles from reaching your goal.
- Two suitcases can carry everything you really need! We all have way too much “stuff”.
- Walking everywhere (no car yet) is not only great exercise but purposeful living.
- After achieving your goals, leave space for dreaming the next ones.
I may be far in miles, but I am still very close by and available by phone for work/life coaching, psychotherapy, spiritual counseling and Kabbalistic healing services. Many of you have already experienced phone sessions to be just as rewarding and helpful as in-person sessions. I also plan to integrate Skype into my sessions, for those who would enjoy the visual contact.
Malaena Nahmias M.Ed. LCSW
AWARENESS Counseling & Training
P.O. Box 1407 Menlo Park, CA 94026-1407
Today I learned* that I can go ahead and eat the yummy sugary fatty treat, and it will taste just great, but that a few minutes later it will just feel bad. Not regret-bad, but that-was-the-wrong-thing-for-me-bad.
* I have “learned” this so many times that this just may not be the last time I’ll learn it before I … learn it. So I’ll bookmark this entry and just point back to it, if needed. Sheesh.